"There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness."-
Carl Jung
It is from these inspiring words of Carl Jung that I take inspiration to just relax and appreciate the continuity of life, the happiness of being still, the importance of a silent passage in my life.
Just a few months back I am in a situation that is very different from where I am right now, I used to be working while studying for graduate school then I stopped working to focus on graduate school and then I pursued law. Simultaneously during these times I was also performing the role of an only child caught in the duties responsibilities that comes with it; and a lover who is committed to save her relationship that is being challenged by distance and lack of time for each other. With all the plenty of things to do, how do you divide the 24hours for yourself and others, to study, to sleep, to eat, to rest, to read, and etc.
I have been told; and so as I have read that doing so many things at the same time might make me get too tired and end up only stopping from doing everything all at the same time. I did not listen, I was too confident with myself and I did end up getting really tired and frustrated. Frustrated because I haven't finished anything. I got myself too stressed and it affected my health and most of all my relationships with other people, the people who matter in my life.
I realized that I set this very high standard to myself not for the purpose of feeling that sense of accomplishment but because I wanted to please others. I realized that I based my accomplishment from how others perceived me. That girl, the working student, the law student, the responsible daughter and the reliable partner trying to be pleasing in the eyes of everyone. The sad part of it all, being to focus on performing all these roles I lost myself. For quite some time there has been this gap of long pause where all my goals are blurry, I wake up each day not knowing what to do, nothing really to pursue... Just living by the day and passing through the night.
But despite this quiet and long pause, like a long waiting in the darkness for the breaking of the dawn, I realized that there must be a reason why I lost myself in the process while I was doing so many things. This is the time for me to focus on myself, to get to know myself, the things that really matters to me, what makes me truly really happy.
Corita Kent once said, "Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed." Despite this long pause that I am going through, day by day I get to appreciate the beauty of lightness, the simplicity of life and the joy of being at home and with family. Being home lately makes me appreciate the joy of preparing meals, washing the dishes, cleaning the backyard, being useful by doing simple tasks. Very different from the highly taxing tasks and demands of the things that I used to do.
It was only recently that I get to sleep again at least in decent hours, I have time to exercise, to smile, to laugh to simply just be...
Indeed, God has reasons why things happen to our lives. Years back, I never imagined myself stopping from working and studying in order to come home; and just be home. But being myself now looking back I cannot help not to think and tell myself in the past why not?
Life is indeed a full circle, and sometimes a long pause in life is just such as now is just what I need to reassess, to reevaluate, and to seek again.
As Anne Bradstreet once said, "If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." As I am now taking time to appreciate the winter of my life, I have the spring to look forward to bring me the warmth and promise of sunshine, indefinitely definite.
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