The Beginning of a New

Starting all over again. The word “again” indicates that this is something not new to me. Not necessarily something that I enjoy doing but something that has to be done. Not mandated to me by fate but something that I feel I must do in order to fulfill my destiny. I usually leave things and sometimes people behind. I get out of my comfort zone. I try to look boldly even though I am trembling deep inside then I charge forth despite all the anxieties and uncertainties in my mind. I am not a typical out door person who loves mountain climbing or a beach person who enjoys boat sailing but I certainly consider myself as an adventurous individual. I take pleasure on going against gravity and waves of life till I reach the top of the mountain or the sea shore. I knew from the very start that the path I have taken is not an easy one and it may take some time before I reach my final destination.

In a few weeks time, I am about to end my term as a teacher in the institution that I have considered as my second home, Miriam College. I will once again get out of my comfort zone and try again my chances on becoming a lawyer while trying to finish my Masters degree hopefully by 2010. A few years ago I had my own defeats in the battle of life. My optimism is clouded with pessimism and reality suddenly became surreal. This came when my plans in life did not emerge as I thought it would be, suddenly I did not have control of what was happening in my life. I felt bruised and exhausted hence I decided to take a rest and seek refuge. I cleared my mind and put emotions aside while I consider for another plan. They say that when a door closes a window opens for a new opportunity. The new opportunity in my case came along as the chance to share my compassion and knowledge about the subject matter I tried to be expert for, this was the field of History. I became a high school teacher at Miriam High School teaching Asian Civilizations for sophomore students. This, however, was not my first encounter with this institution

I was a freshman student then at Miriam college tracking for AB International Studies when I transferred to UP Diliman as a BA History student. This was actually my first major “Starting all over again.” All over again because I entered not as a sophomore student but yet again as freshman student. Thanks of course to the support of my loving parents that they immediately supported me despite the fact that my tuition fee was quite expensive not to mention the additional allowances and dorm fees that they have already paid for during my stay in Miriam. I started all over again and I tried very hard with the best of my capability to finish my degree within four years. I blended in easily with the UP crowd and I gained so many friends and wonderful experiences. In fact I considered those years as the best years of my life. Unlike a typical UP student however, I did not have the UP pride and angst because I know that I entered the back door in order to get in therefore I must always keep myself composed and humble and keep my focus towards my goal. This goal was to finish my degree and aim to get to UP law. Don’t get me wrong at this point I am not being too ambitious or anything. My father is a UP Law graduate and a member of a UP Law based fraternity hence I had the idea that since we share the same genes I have the chances to get in as well. But reality strikes, the destiny of Juan is not necessarily the destiny of Jose. I fell short of my father’s genes (just kidding), in short I did not make it. It was a tough time most especially a lot of people were expecting that I will make it. I realized that not only men are capable of having ego but women as well.

This event made me cross path once again with Miriam College when I was hired to become a full time faculty and as a club moderator of Banaag Theatre Guild. I did not regret my decision at all because I met so many inspiring people who are thriving in their respective fields and students who are driven, outspoken yet encouraging and inspiring at the same time. Spending time daily with these people made me easily forget my short comings and saw myself in a totally different light. I was no longer my former obsessive compulsive self but a reformed person who is more outgoing and less rigid. This is something I did not plan for but everything fitted just fine. Ten months not only of teaching but constant learning as well. I became more open-minded to criticisms, more trusting but also vigilant and most importantly frugal. I learned that value of money that no other economic theory can say. Indeed experience is the best teacher. I was able to have my own savings from my own money for the first time. When things are in sync and in order as it is now, people ask me then why do you still have to leave teaching?

Perhaps my reason may not be agreed upon by many because it is not practical. I just simply wanted to pursue my dream, to finish Masters and hopefully to become a lawyer. I always tell my students the same thing. How can I teach something that I do not apply to myself? I have taken my rest, my batteries are all charged, equipped with new lessons and experiences. But of course this is not to say that I am closing another door. I am just opening a new one, the truth of the matter is, even though I am leaving teaching for the mean time it does not mean that I am leaving it behind forever. Like I said I am no longer my former obsessive compulsive self. I am looking forward to the time that I will again cross path again with Miriam and experience the joy of teaching. However, there is something that I still need to pursue in order to fulfill the longings of my heart. Rare are the the time when I get so inspired as I am now at this point in my life. Like an artist I cannot miss opportunities like this to create my masterpiece. Life is too short to wait for things to happen. I did not even realize that I am now in my early 20s, time pass by really quickly. I must go my way to make them come true I am once again ready for the beginning of a new.