Passionately Valerie

Happy New Year to everyone, God bless us all :)

My first and hopefully not last published article from Philippine Daily Inquirer's Youngblood dated March 12, 2009. "Like a passionate artist I cannot forego an opportunity like this to create a masterpiece. Life is too short to wait for things to happen. I did not even realize that I am now in my early 20s, time passes by really quickly. I must go my way to make them come true, once again I am ready for a new beginning." Beginnings - INQUIRER.net, Philippine News for Filipinos

If tomorrow I'll be gone Think of me like the rising sun I may be out of sight but I am with you In the light, in the heat, through and through If tomorrow I'll be gone Think of me kindly with our memories I hope to remind you of good times in reverie Just as the sweet and loving thoughts that you have given me If tomorrow I'll be gone Feel me in the passing wind Hear my voice in humming birds Alone and forlorn I am in a people's herd If tomorrow I'll be gone At least I was able to tell you Deep in my heart it has always been you True as the sunshine, raindrops or the morning dew Vmmcruz 12/19/2011

rare bonding moment with my father at Kainoah Fish Spa and Nail Couture, one thing we have in common is our concern for clean feet and toes, mani and pedi for me while footspa for my dad, they have a great service at an affordable price, next time we'll try their fish footspa :)

Days and Nights of bitterness are going to be over There is always a chance, a choice between bitter or better Keep trying to rise above the challenges; to give up? never From the bottom pit there is no way to go but to rise higher Tears that were shed will wash away my fears Confused and wandering mind will soon become clear Cloudy haze of sorrows and defeats will soon disappear Stronger voice and laughter is what I've been longing to hear Vision of the future will again become bright As high as the Alps, I am willing to reach new heights Come new trials and hardships I'm ready to fight with might Eye is still on the prize, same goals and dreams are still in sight Future maybe destined but I am empowered to will Do I just go with the tides of life or just roll in time? No... I yearn, I desire, to discover new shores or climb up a hill Life still has pages to make and I'll use 'my' choices as my ink and my quill one empowered morning Vmmcruz ...

Blurry pictures in my head Scattered words remain unsaid Wrinkled sheets and pillows in my bed I feel so cold but I see crimson red Last night I made up my mind Thinking there's no more to find But the next day I feel like being kind Or do I simply choose to be blind Strings of words like uncoordinated beads I do this and think that, opposite deeds I am used to keep you first prior to my needs Now I just want to run away, to feel freed Ambiguous, scattered words unsaid Confused, emotions left unexpressed Indefinite, conclusions yet to be decided When clarity, certainty and lucidity is what you needed VMMCruz One ambiguous night 12/17/2011

So little to say but so much time, Despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind. Please wear the face, the one where you smile, Because you lighten up my heart when I start to cry. Forgive me first love, but I'm tired. I need to get away to feel again. Try to understand why, don't get so close to change my mind. Please wipe that look out of your eyes, it's bribing me to doubt myself; Simply, it's tiring. This love has dried up and stayed behind, And if I stay I'll be a lie Then choke on words I'd always hide. Excuse me first love, but we're through. I need to taste a kiss from someone new. Forgive me first love, but I'm too tired. I'm bored to say the least and I, I lack desire. Forgive me first love, Forgive me first love, Forgive me first love, Forgive me first love, Forgive me, Forgive me first love, Forgive me first love

Upon arriving home the first thing I did is to set up my gifts for my Dad and Mom, for Auntie Mel, for Tito Tonette and Makoy :) I am also now setting up my menu for this Christmas hmmm it will be simple yet festive, I am just happy to be with my family this Christmas!

Someday if I'll have my own resto I'll make this my especialty, hopefully not the only food on the menu haha :) I am no wizard in the kitchen but there is a thing or two that I know and one of them is Carbonara con Spam. This time I tried adding Corn Kernels in it and it taste yummier it added a light sweetness to the sauce, I guess I'll add this to our Christmas menu :)

Strolling, window shopping emphasis on the 'window' haha and taking pics at The Fort :) The kuya guards are very nice to take some pics of me, had to have the guts to ask them since I have no company with me hehe :)

Year 2011 is one of the most challenging year of my life. It is so challenging that it altered me as a person from tough to tougher. Indeed the challenges we face mold us to become a better person. Overcoming it is a matter of right perspective, system support from friends and our love ones and most especially from God. To Him nothing is impossible. Fear is inevitable but with courage I am very excited to see what the future holds, for now I am just enjoying the present.

Friday night is not really lonesome as long as there is coffee, cigarettes, and wifi :)

In a relationship Some wants stability Others want formality Some wants security While others to enjoy company In a relationship Some needs consistency Others want constancy Some wants reliability While others to live comfortably In a relationship Some needs complexity Others want intimacy Some wants authority While others to obey obediently But in a relationship Some and others' wants? Does not follow necessarily Relationship is about give and take Working things out and not make or break It is not just wants and needs It's what two people can offer and give A chance to breath, to grow and to live Together or apart, in times of happiness or grieve Two hearts and minds, "you and me" willing to be believe... by: Vmmcruz December 8, 2011

Everyday is always different, one day good then the next day sad, then the next day who knows really? but what matters most is proper attitude and perspective. Optimism is not just any ism but a way of life, so stay positive positive positive! self-affirmation :)

While composing this essay, i realized that putting my thoughts into strings of words isn’t an easy task at all. Making accessories out of beads or shells would have been a lot easier… Perhaps it would be better to let my thoughts flutter like butterflies in different directions and let it create its own art, burst in different colors, both bright and dull without me having to intervene on how it will end up. Because in the end, no matter what the result maybe, it would still be beautiful, creative, unique… art… Same thing with life, i suppose. Sometimes I make plans complete with back-ups, fall backs, plan A, plan B and so on and so forth only to find out that none of those plans I made ever came into life. Because somewhere in this alter universe, something else was already planned for me. What it is? Is yet for me to discover. Indeed, Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans according to John Lennon, it happened to me. I dreamed of a different dream yet i wok...

According to some surveys the age of people who undergo mid-life crisis are getting younger these days. So i guess a more appropriate term would have to be "quarter life-crisis," I should know because i believe I am going through one at this point in time of my life. I thought that being aware of it would be a healthier thing to do rather than to conceal it and pretend that everything is fine. Although in my heart I am hopeful that eventually things will turn out fine. Two years ago i had been diagnosed with "alopecia areata." It is a kind of disease that results in the loss of hair in the scalp. My dermatologist said that this is due to 'psychological stress' which attack my immune system resulting to hair loss. Considering what I went through this year, yes I guess I really was stressed out. I had to pass through a needle hole before i graduated (in Filipino language lumusot sa butas ng karayom), I was not admitted to law school (which I had prepared for...

Waiting… one of the most dreadful feeling when I am expecting for the result of something that is either good or bad. A nostalgic feeling for me because I felt the very same thing when I was waiting for the result of my college entrance exam, result of my baby-thesis and calls for job interviews. Waiting creates butterflies in my stomach and I cannot think of anything else because no matter how hard I divert my attention it constantly pops in my mind stressing me out all the more. Like a virus, it infects the entire affairs of my life like how I deal with the people around me even to my closest friends, my performance in my work until I go to sleep in the late hour of the night. What makes it worse is when I see one by one the people around me are getting positive outcomes leaving me in the waiting room all alone with my thoughts while I hear them rejoicing. The first few days of February is known to be the month when lovers’ celebrate romance and love with matching flowers and cho...

Each and one of us has the capability to predetermine an event that can change our lives forever. A remarkable experience that shakes us to our core, shifting the alignments of our molecules like dust particles blown swiftly by the wind. Where it may lead us may not be known but it certainly makes our journey through life a little more exciting. On the contrary we may never determine the exact day, time or place it can happen. What we can only sense is the feeling of anticipation that someday, one morning, or perhaps sometime between dusk and dawn, a wonderful surprise will unfold right before our eyes.Bordering between the fragments of our imagination and our consciousness of what is of real. But then we realize that the possibility for it to be real cannot be based on the so called invisible hand or on something that we do not see but is based on the work of our own mortal hands.

The dawn of a void sensation in my body is one of my greatest fear. When it comes to my senses, my nose twitches, my eye wrinkles and every single hair in my body tingles. Sometimes, loneliness sneaks through the veins of my heart, circulates through my blood and no matter how hard I tried to shut it out with smiles, laughter, lighteartedness it finds its way in. Perhaps it's one punishment of being too contemplative in life isn't it? Doing what is right, following the dictate of your conscience and excersing your will power can make you feel so isolated, no sense of belongingness, dead beaten. Then I will ask myself, why? why make life so diffciult for me? Why not go with the waves of life and let random will do the charting of my destiny? Who am I competing with? Everyody else seems happy, uncomplicated, simple eventhough they have limited means.Then I'll realize as I go further with my questions I get lost in the depth of ocean of queries without any sighting of the sta...

After writing a few pages for my paper I went to boardwalk to see the sunset but was dismayed because it rained but it was worth the walk for after it rained the sunset still appeared in a reddish hue a sky I haven't seen for a long time :) "Sometimes when you really miss a person who is far away, just look into the sky; at least despite the distance you get to be reminded that you are still under the same sky and the distance and time apart makes everything else bearable..."